He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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