just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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