its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm having to shit out rocks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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