Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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