how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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