Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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