I love black thongs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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