I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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