is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the day after is always just damage control
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
