Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
