From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
