i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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