She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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