I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
