how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
