once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
