Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
