The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
