normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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