Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
