remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I died a long time ago.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
