Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
