Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
