im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
