I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
