if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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