i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
