I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
