My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's the barista slut.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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