i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
