and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
