What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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