last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
