Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
