ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
