Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
