You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I touched a dick in church today
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