He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
