dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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