The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
