rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
