I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
