Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
