Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
