I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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