Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
