My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
