I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
