how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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