soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
