I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
