I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish you could order shots online.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
