It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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