Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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