I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
