My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
