I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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