I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
