And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
