If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
