She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't notice because vodka
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
